Monday, January 5, 2009

Airlines!! part II - jared's version

Well, let me start off by saying that Kim's version is pretty much everything, but there are a few things I would like to add...such as air pirates. Let me tell you, when you are flying, and you hear those cannons, and there is a big airship traveling at 500 mph right next you with a bunch of single-toothed, mouth-foaming, rip-roaring, stark-ravin', un-shaven, baby-hatin, raggedy randy, not-so-fine-and-dandy maniacs aboard, you know somethin is up, and it better be your shootin' arm, otherwise you mighta be in trouble, lads n lassies.

Here is a picture I snapped of the offending airship.A closeup of the airship - notice the flying bullets and terrible looking pirate (whom I had to throw overboard 9 times I might add - he kept coming back!)
More ugly pirates - notice the scungy teeth showing through their pernicious grins.

So I jumped off the plane, did a triple kick backflip off the wingtip to get in the airship. I ripped their roars, starked their raves up their arses, and shaved their sorry beards right off the side of the all I had was an Airmall catalog and an empty can of ginger ale. Needless to say, I was a hero that day...too bad everyone else was sleepin'.

Anyhoo, when we landed in the Detroit airport and I talked to the guy at the Northwest desk about our transfer flight and hotel rooms (Gregory I think his name was - he was actually really helpful, but his efforts at having our luggage transferred to Harrisburg were obviously in vain), I noticed painful stuffiness right in and above my left nostril - a sure sign of oncoming disease that would stick with me until about Christmas Eve.... sure enough, after we crashed in the hotel room, I was plagued by painful sleep and a disgusting nose. I blame Northwest for this one. They can lick my...well, they can lick all my offensive parts, as long as I haven't washed for at least three weeks of sweaty, sweaty workouts - and caked on gold bond. Yeah - that'll show em. Thanks again for nothing, Northwest. On a much sweeter note, however, in the morning, Kim went to the lobby and brought me the first round of our enormous breakfast while I was still in bed. Thankee, sugar, that shore were awful peachy of you. =)

Kim is so sweet - just like peach cobbler.....mmmmmm.....peach cobbler.

I would also like to mention that we saved the pizza we ordered and took it to the airport with us the next day when we went back to the airport. Everybody in the airport kept telling us that we had the right idea or if they could have a slice. After our pizza had passed through the x-ray machine (RADIATION!!), the security dude at the other end asked us what toppings were on the pizza - we told him that they should already know.

The really strange thing at the airport that day was that the gate for our flight kept changing. It changed like 3 times!!! And all the people for our flight would get up, migrate, and settle in again till we had to move to the next one. Eventually it all ended, and I got me some DayQuil and Benadryl for the flight - knocked me out and cleared up my nose. It was nice to get some good rest. Those airplane seats, though - man, they have to be bad for your neck.

I found this neat design for airplane seats - this has got to be better than what they have now.
The airlines need to get crackin on replacing their seats.
Well, I've gone on long enough for one post methinks. I tend to be longwinded, so I'll cut myself I'll type y'alls later in another post. For now, I hope you enjoyed the show. Stay tuned next week, cause here...I...gooooooooooooooo......Ciao!


Its dangerous business walking... said...

that...that was sweet, jared...Thanks for your summary...and ...the pirate...thing....

Cycle Ninja said...

I'll bring over my iPod to the party so I can play Carlin's take on airport security.